Wedding: Scotland (25 Mar 2006)

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Gordon & Margaret

It was July last year when I first learned about this wedding. It’s been eight months of excitement, comprehensive planning, international travel and creative tailoring to get everything just the way you want it Gordon and Margaret. Weddings tend to be formal. This one certainly is – all red and ready from Innes House to Michael Kirk. I am sure you’re glad you only had one daughter, Basie!

Weddings are also formal in terms of legalities – licenced minister, contracts, vows and registers. Anyway, that’s for adults. Children prefer to see a wedding as all dress, cake, car, confetti and photos. Harriet was not a child a moment ago but a young woman, a child, adult enough to wish her Dad and his wife a special togetherness. By the way, I feel for the children today having to come to what is essentially a school on a Saturday and, on top of that, having to listen to yet another school master.

We’ve come a long way to this remote idyllic setting. But the long journey and all the beautiful trimmings and even Innes House faded into the background a moment ago when the two of you started the real journey of a shared future.

I must say it’s a very beautiful background, Rev. Rollo and Otto. But those promises needed no background, just pure, simple honestly, sincerity, commitment.

You have a small but very special group of family and friends here to validate the vows you have just publically made before us. We are your chosen witnesses. Many of us have willingly come from the ends of the earth to be your wedding community for the simple reason that we care about your happiness. And it’s clear to us that you make each other happy. Remember happiness is not something we pursue; it’s a manner of travelling. It’s the real journey: started in Milan, I believe, confirmed in Johannesburg, I presume, and validated before us right here in Scotland. So much for the legalities. They say a marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.

Last night we celebrated a marriage of cultures. The Highlands and the Highveld. We’ll remember every detail for years. But nobody will forget the Scottish sincerity of the Snedden children. I can’t speak Afrikaans here but I can speak rugby especially after a famous Murrayfield victory over England. The legendary Springbok of the last century, Frik du Preez, once spoke here in Scotland in the 1960s about the three Cs of rugby. He spoke about Commitment, Courage and Discipline. I introduced him as a guest speaker at our school last year and reminded him about his Scottish alphabet. “No, I had it wrong,” he said from the podium. He had spoken about the three Ps of rugby: Possession, Pressure and Support! I am not going to give you an ABC of marriage because we’ll probably be her till XYZ.

But as a school master I always tell our girls that one of life’s most critical elements is Leadership. Not that special quality that some have which causes others to follow, but that all important leadership needed to lead one’s own life, to lead one’s marriage, to dictate its direction and to shape its character. The point is that we don’t let life or marriage happen. We take responsibility for making each day work. Work is the operative word. It’s full time work with a job description which urges us to love, honour, respect, listen, support, anticipate, understand and share.

The school master in me wants to bring to your marriage a combination of school values. Your school, Gordon, Fettes College, underlines this work ethic. Fettes is in Edinburgh. I went through it last year with 26 sportsgirls from South Africa. It’s Tony Blair’s school too. Is that good company, Gordon? Fettes draws its motto, Industria, from the Fettes bee, the bumble bee which has its origin in the coat of arms of the school’s founder. Industria, work, like this weekend, gives your marriage an undeniably Scottish character – It’s all about application, good honest Scottish work, tireless labour aimed at the common good. You need to approach your marriage like you approach your business. You know how hard you are prepared to work to grow your business. Make marriage work like work. Margaret, I don’t mean to say that you need to be the CEO of this marriage. Good luck, Gordon.

When do we stop working at making it work? When is a marriage safe, secure, successful? This world famous school’s motto urges us that there is always more in us. Michael Kirk is part of Gordonstoun’s school. Prince Charles and Prince Andrew came here. It’s an adventure school with its own obstacle course, its own fire station which serves the area and its own yacht out in the Firth. Gordonstoun’s motto Plus et en Vous tells you that there is more in you. The love that has brought you together is one of life’s precious gifts. But the challenge is to grow in love and in partnership in the Christian tradition of striving for perfection. There is always more in you or in your marriage. It’s about building on our strengths as a couple and working to address and minimize weaknesses. Accepting that marriage is a challenge is central to taking any union to another level, to ensuring that there is always more to strive for.

Let’s move from this marriage in Moray to our motto in Mangaung. There are at least four Eunice girls here in you, Margaret, Reinet, my wife Moira and me. Eunice is Margaret’s school in Bloemfontein. It’s strange pronunciation comes from the Greek word Eunike meaning Happy Victory. Eunice has always been a source of inspiration to you, Margaret. Allow its values and traditions to guide you even further. Its motto – Vincit qui se Vincit – She conquers who conquers herself – strikes us as a bit of a struggle; a struggle against oneself; getting the better of oneself. I like to see it these days using a more modern metaphor. I like to see it as PUTTING SELF SECOND. Conquering ourselves is all about controlling self, examining self, developing self. The point is when we put self second, we put something else first. Like marriage, like family, like putting God first.

Eunice, co-incidentally, was founded in the Scottish education tradition, as Nicolette mentioned yesterday. Its first headmistress was summoned from Stirling to replicate Scottish standards and values in Bloemfontein. Nowhere do we see this better than in the line of the school song:

“She dwells beside the waters of wisdom and of life.”

I think this will prove to be your strength as you are both experienced people whose business is thinking about the past and predicting the future. The song urges us to reflect as a matter of course, to use our life experience, to build on what is good and to learn from what’s not. A recent magazine interview quoted you, Margaret, as saying that success in business was about learning from mistakes, using experience to do things right and to do the right things.

The song urges us to draw strength from each other and to share in the power of God’s presence. In taking your vows in God’s name a few minutes ago, you invited His presence. Be open to it. Allow God to be present within your relationship. Incidentally, they say that marriage is a mutual relationship in which one partner become mute.

You know how powerful a light the Eunice torch or candle is. How appropriate that we’re surrounded by the light of candles. You held that candle once all alone on stage the night you became our school’s headgirl. Today you hold the candle of love with only one hand; the other is Gordon’s. Together you have promised to meet life’s grand adventure – east, west and south and north. Today it’s north, Monday you’ll be heading south and the following week east. Cherish every moment of this new journey.

The song continues:

“And with the torch she gave them, they’ll light the darkest way.”

Dark days there will be. Every journey has its strains and stresses, upsets and unhappiness. Make allowances for each other’s faults, for fatigue, for days when one of you is down or empty. That’s what takes leadership; that’s what takes work; and that’s what takes putting self second.

We’re in church and we have been talking school and school values. The most important values now are yours. You’ve chosen an antique clock to make time special for you from day one. I hope it’s insured and re-insured. Nothing is more precious that your time together. It started ticking a few minutes ago. Your joint heartbeat, Mr and Mrs Massie. You have chosen a wedding in the heart of Scotland. May your time together be as lasting as this country’s ancient traditions, as strong as its independent attitude and as true as its unrivalled beauty.

Lang may your lum reek - Long may there be smoke in your chimney.
Nkosi Sikilele – God Bless

"God, our Father,
You blessed John the Baptist with locusts and honey
Bless our old girls with health and money

For brimming plate and flowing cup
and freedom from the washing up
we give thanks Lord

Bless the food upon our dishes
as You blessed the loaves and fishes

God we thank you for this food
for rest and home and all things good

For wind and rain and sun above
and most of all for those we love.

O thou who kindly dost provide
For every creature’s want!
We bless Thee, God of Nature wide,
For all Thy goodness lent:
And if it please Thee, Heavenly Guide,
May never worse be sent;
But, whether granted, or denied,
Lord, bless us with content. Amen!"

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